


nooooo dont hate the preretcon version of yourself for existing youre so sexy

by pesterquests



Category: Homestuck
Genre: (and a hot girlfriend), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/F, Gen, Rosesprite deserves closure, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:07:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21893395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pesterquests/pseuds/pesterquests
Summary: Rosesprite, freshly revived and the only (technical) survivor of the mess that was Game Over, reflects on Rose's feelings towards her.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	nooooo dont hate the preretcon version of yourself for existing youre so sexy

You hate yourself. Not quite Karkat-style, not in the weird sad romantic way, and it’s not quite you doing the hating-- its a rather one-sided hatred on the part of your post-retcon self that you don’t really understand. 

It’s a simple enough situation. You died. You were stabbed through the heart and lungs and died incredibly painfully. Your mother and john had a funeral for you. Your spritecat dug you up and spriteified you, and the two of you went on your merry way to the lilypad. Very normal in context. Lo and behold, the person that hates you more than anything in this world is right there. The better rose lalonde. The better you- you know it, somehow, that she’s better. That this isn’t your universe, and it’s not your universe because you fucked up big time. And she knows it too, the you that didn’t drink three teenage years down the drain on a spacerock with your brother, a clown, Terezi Pyrope, Dave’s screamy gay awakening, and of course, your dead girlfriend. The girlfriend you never said “I love you” to because you were always just a little drunk and emotionally repressed. 

Kanaya Maryam died and it's all your fault. Your Kanaya. Her Kanaya is just fine and pleased as punch about it. 

No time to dwell on the fact you just died and watched your girlfriend get burned alive. There’s a you to defer to. 

Rose Prime calls you meaningless. Completely useless to her character arc. You know she’s right, really, you Know she is. You aren’t relevant to her, or her arc, or her story, or anyone’s story whatsoever.

And if you Know it, she Knows it, and she relishes the idea that she is the one out of you to win. The one that didn’t die the, one that didn’t lose everything, the one that didn’t have such an awful fuck-up universe that John had to grab Vriska Fucking Serket and toss her onto Rose Prime’s meteor to fix it all. The universal constant of being a Rose Lalonde means you have an awful superiority complex and competitive streak a mile wide. Beating a tangible version of yourself just makes the win sweeter. The other half of the Rose Lalonde Experience is having an inferiority complex that causes a very sexy cycle of self hatred and an endless struggle against your abilities and self.

God, you wish you had a Vriska.

And wow, Vriska Serket is possibly the most enigmatic woman you’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. Of course, this isn’t by far the first you’ve heard of her. Three years on a meteor with Terezi makes one contractually obligated to spend nights horrifically inebriated (Faygo on her part, cheap vodka most often on yours) talking about her trauma. You drunkenly spent many a night trying to diagnose her with “gay longing” and “in love” while she brushed you off. She was in a passionate kismesis with the vent-clown, after all. Why would she be in love with Vriska? 

The Terezi that you see before you is so different from yours. Her hair is shorter, less ragged and greasy, but still endearingly ratty. In fact, everyone from the meteor looks a little better, with the exception of Gamzee, who is in a refrigerator, and honestly, you think it’s better as a whole. Even Dave looks just the littlest bit happier- you can tell from three years of watching him keep the most depressed “neutral” face anyone’s ever made. He betrays more of himself that he would ever like to know. Kanaya looks less exhausted, although you can’t imagine why she was so exhausted… Well, she was basically mothering you and terezi, the intoxicated broads. You can totally see why she was so exhausted. You can hear Karkat scream from across the lilypad that he is more “mature and reasonable”, and you guess you’ll take his word for it. But, really, everyone looks a little happier, a little calmer, like somehow the presence of Vriska invigorated them. You look the most different, you think. its no surprise. For one, she doesn’t have deep dark circles and bloodshot eyes and shaking hands from a sudden death and recent lack of any vodka on hand. For another, you-not-you isn’t a fucking pink glowing sprite. Her loss there.

So you tell Rose Prime that you don’t want to step on anyone’s toes. That you’re just fine taking a more supportive role. You’re fine being someone’s personal space taxi service. 

You don’t tell her that the thing you want most in the world is to be on Team killing-the-Condesce. That from your perspective, you just watched every single one of you friends die in front of you. She wouldn’t be able to fathom it, how angry you are, and you know how angry Rose Lalondes are. You clench your sparkly fists and smile passively and try not to think about how much the trident through your lungs hurt and how bad you want to repay it thrice upon that stupid fucking fish bitch. You don’t tell Rose that reviving and immediately Knowing everyone you loved was dead made you wish Jaspers never brought you back. That seeing everyone just a little different and a little happier makes you want to die inside and out.

Everyone seems so impressed that John and Roxy came from the failed timeline to win this thing once and for all. You are too. You just wish Roxy didn’t waste her time snatching your dead body from the battlefield.

You look at Rose with no feelings. You know she hates you. But you can’t muster up a word to describe what you feel. You think it might be some sort of twisted pride.

So you smile and push it all down.

And then you meet the person you’re supposed to be a magic taxi for.

She calls you hot.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm hoping to write more and if i do it's gonna be happier!
> 
> find me @pesterquests on tumblr and twitter


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